The Sky is Always a Bit More Gray Over Here

The weather is grey outside.

2015-07-19-image-03Just as consistent as time, Washington state displayed a dull color of grey in the skies during this winter season. Waking up to two of the dogs, Yongki and Q, sitting up and looking at me with anticipation, I get up and open the door to let them go outside in the backyard for them to do their business. The mind still groggy, I wait for a little while until I heard the small pang of the backyard door.

Looks like they finished doing their thing already.

After bringing the dogs back inside, I go back to my room deciding whether or not I’m still sleepy. The time I wake up to let the dogs go outside vary anywhere between 7:30 to 9:30 in the morning. Most of the time, I’ll go back to sleep and wake up anywhere between 10 to 12 o’clock. I tend to sleep late as I take quite a while to unwind. As a result, I’ll end up waking up much later than usual. Since I always get drowsy when I drive with little sleep, I tend to justify more sleep to ensure I do not end up falling asleep at the wheel.

Upon finally waking up, I start off by playing with the dogs. I feel they never really get the time to play with anyone since my parents are often too tired to do so. Even after playing with the dogs, I still feel a little sluggish so I’ll pass the time by quickly looking to see if there are new blog posts, news, some new YouTube videos, and whatever else. When the time comes, I’ll throw myself into the shower and then quickly head out to go to work by 2:00pm.

2015-02-07-snake-05On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I’ll usually go to Costco to pick up cigarettes. If there are other products we need such as groceries and candy, if Costco has them, I’ll pick those up as well. Afterwards I’ll head to the bank to make the daily deposit. There are some days where I do not make the deposit but those days rarely occur. If the need arises, I’ll also go to a different warehousing area to pick up other items I normally can’t pick up at Costco (such as vape items, cigars/cigarellos, etc).

The time when I arrive at the store varies anywhere between 3:00pm ~ 3:30pm. By now I’ve already started my usual routine of bringing the products inside the store, pricing them, looking around to see what needs to be restocked, and then doing whatever else that needs to be done.

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It’s at this point I finally begin to settle into auto-pilot. Go into the office, find an activity to spend time on, get up and help customer when they arrive, and repeat. “Hello, how are you? Why thank you, I’m doing good as well. What can I get for you? Alright, will there be anything else? Okay, your total is [amount]. Thank you so much! Have a good day/night~”

After doing this every single day for an extended amount of time, I can’t help but feel a bit empty and disillusioned. Naturally this is the progress of a growing store; the growth of a business starting from the ground up is inevitably a very slow trek.

How long will this go though? I’m beginning to feel my sanity wane as I continue working here daily. I can only imagine what it’s like for Father…

These thoughts float through my mind as I try to handle a customer vaguely asking for a product by giving as little detail as this person possibly can give.

“Moo.”

20151230-newdump-22These are the words that often pop up on my phone. It’s my friend trying to start up a conversation. Smiling, I reply back with a “moo” before exchanging our “how was your day?” greeting as we usually do each day. The conversations will often last throughout the day with us recollecting our day and sharing them with each other. It’s usually during these times I can kind of forget the kind of predicament I’m currently situated in.

However when the store closes, our conversation halts to an end to perhaps repeat the next day or later the day after. Counting the end till and what the deposit will be, I look through the paperwork to type in the numbers into the daily spreadsheet. Afterwards, I’ll take a look around to see if there is anything additional I need to stock up before leaving. Satisfied with knowing there is nothing else to do, I grab the two padlocks and chain to do the final touches of closing the store up.

Driving home always feels different every time. Some nights, they go by quickly and I’m home by the time I exit the thought process I was in. Other nights can be painfully long with me having difficulties staying awake at the wheel.

Now just having arrived home, I quickly set my stuff into my room to eat the dinner my father had prepared for the family to eat. There are some nights where no one feels like cooking. It’s on these nights I’m often requested to bring home whatever it is they feel like eating. After dinner, I sit around a little while to let the food settle in my stomach. When I feel enough time has passed by, I’ll then walk the dogs. Depending on the weather, I’ll either take a short route or the long route. I usually try to take the long route as much as I can for the dogs. During cold winter days however, I’ll usually take the shorter route. I’m sure the dogs don’t particularly enjoy being outside in the cold either.

I made a small space for them and they would often rest there.

By the time I’ve come back home for the last time that night, it’s around 12:30 after midnight. To help wind down, I’ll either do some toy photography, watch something, or even perhaps play a video game for a little while. Only about an hour and a half later I’ll start getting ready to go to sleep just so I can repeat the process all over again.

It’s a very mundane, repetitive and banal life. There are times when I do change it up by eating breakfast with friends, watching football at their place, go out shopping in the morning, or just wake up earlier than usual to enjoy something I normally would not be able to at night. It’s often even more difficult finding enthusiasm for anything at all sometimes. However sometimes, just sometimes, when I go outside to enter my car, I’ll look around my surroundings. The weather hasn’t changed, there’s no special event coming up, there’s no one coming yet…

The weather is grey outside. Though today, it’s a bit of a nicer shade.

Senjougahara was my first figure that I have ever purchased. Kud was the first one that I possessed (which was given to me by Nightmaren). I figured it'd be natural to give some spotlight to some of the other figures I haven't been paying a lot of attention to lately.

2 Replies to “The Sky is Always a Bit More Gray Over Here”

  1. Over the years, I’ve grown pretty accustomed to your routine, but I believe the way you wrote this post really showcases how much your writing has changed (for the better) over the years as well. As difficult as your position is, I tend to admire the reasonably positive outlook that you maintain. While it may seem impossible now, one can’t help but wonder if, years from now, you may one day look back at this post and find a small, minuscule portion of you missing it.

    1. It really means a lot to me with what you’ve said here. I can’t say I look at each and every day positively, but I know that it certainly isn’t worth looking at it any other way. I really have to thank you as well for helping me be who I am today. I’m sure, as you’ve mentioned, that I will certainly look back to this post with small fond memories. As horror as the stories that I’ve told you are, at the very least, they were fun to tell. We both know that this is only just a chapter in my story (though indeed a seemingly long one!).

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