It’s been just one week since 2018 has started. I think it’s an appropriate time for me to finally publish this post after having reflected upon last year and what I want to do now.
Last year, I made an audio blog talking about the year prior and reflected upon it. I also brought up the topic of New Year’s resolutions and discussed how I felt one should properly approach making a goal for one’s self. When I really thought about it, I actually began to wonder if I held myself to the same standards I preached upon others. So instead of just going back to just last year’s New Year’s post, I went through 2016’s and 2015’s as well. What I had noticed in each of the post was I had almost essentially said the same exact thing each time. Disappointed with how slow time has been, disappointed with no progress with self, and wanting to do something different.
Even though a friend of mine had mentioned this to me before, it was pretty revealing of myself. Curious to see just how much I had changed, I decided to look even further back and skip a few years: my first post in 2012, looking back at 2011. It was only six years ago, but you can tell there has been a lot of changes since then. My writing style, my tone, and my maturity.
However, can I really say there has really been that much that’s changed since then? Perhaps the only real change that’s occurred since then would perhaps be when I stopped attending the Art Institute. When I realized graphic design was far too a volatile of a career to take, I dropped out. Ever since then, I had been floating around in sort of a limbo state unsure of what I wanted to do in the future.
I later went back to look at the goals I had wanted to achieve the last few years. Not only had I noticed the pattern of each New Years post (as mentioned earlier), I also realized I had not even reached the goals I set up for myself. My friend, who is always looking out for me, eventually talked to me regarding this pattern and summarized the issue being with me constantly being on the fence. There’s always something that’s hanging me back.
If there’s one thing that I’ve always appreciate about my friend, that would have to be just how observant and accurate my friend is in regards to me. I’ve always made it a point to myself to know myself well. I’m aware, however, that there are times where one can lose sight of themselves and may require guidance of those around them. While I knew these things about myself, I never really had someone confront me with these issues.
A lot of my issues, as my friend mentioned, can be solved if I just go through with it. Instead of overthinking the situation, just go for it. Having agreed with my friend, I immediately sent in an application to a community college near me. It’s about time that I go back.
So now I know that there needs to be more than just subtle changes in my life. I really need to grab the reins of my life back and take control. This time, I won’t let things sit as they are. Thankfully I’ve already been in the progress of making those changes. Last year, I wanted to do more things. So I went to more events than I ever had in the years prior. Last year, I was tired of my usual morning routine. So I decided to go to the gym three times a week with a friend. Last year, I barely got to know photographers. So I started networking with a few I met and even made a Discord server for some of the toy photographers I know.
As long as I can continue doing the things I’ve been doing, I’m sure I will finally get out of this rut that I’ve found myself in and move forward. Heck, I’ve finally decided to get rid of the old domain name as well. I decided to maintain a theme with my two websites so I kept the “Reprise” as a prefix of sorts. The problem was trying to come up with something that’d work with it. I tried to brainstorm a few ideas, but they weren’t working out. The next idea I tried to work with was thinking of a place I felt most at peace. Out of everything that came to mind, the one that stuck out the most was “with friends”. Of course that doesn’t help at all when finding a name. So where have I felt the most at peace with my friends? Of course, they were all at cafes I went to with my friends. It’s a sort of atmosphere you can’t find anywhere else.
Now the page has turned, and this chapter is coming to a close soon. With that in mind, I’ll continue looking forward and making progress. Hopefully, you all will still be there with me as I make this journey.
Happy New Year, everyone. Let’s make this 2018 another memorable year!
This was a good read and it’s this sort of frank insight into the lives of others that I so enjoy reading on people’s blogs. Not only does such writing encourage introspection, but it also allows one to organize their thoughts in a manner that even others can follow.
As the person in question who pointed the core topics of this post out to you, I’m in a bit of an odd place since much of what I have to contribute here will merely echo what you have written. I would like to provide my thoughts nonetheless as I most wholeheartedly support 2018 as a year of growth for you.
Do you remember that day when you stopped attending the art institute? I remember when you told me and I remember your face as you told me this. I’ve been told that I have a special talent for searing such images into my brain, able to replay them over and over. In that moment, I saw you and the potential that you have to grow past such a pursuit in this world. You left the art institute, but I knew you would celebrate art in your own way, and then go on to touch the lives of others with a more respectable pursuit — the way I know you’ve always wanted.
And then you just stopped.
You became an aimless drifter, afraid of commitment. You began to live a miserable monotony in which you wished “something” would happen to rescue you from it. Some big change with the store or some sort of deal that your dad could strike that would solve all your problems. You were never reticent in your disdain for your situation, yet you never once took the reigns to make something happen. You considered options. You agreed with analyses. You made tweets and proclamations in which you swore to be reinvigorated and “try even harder,” yet for all the flashy words, you did nothing.
I mean, sure you did stuff, but nothing with the potential to truly shake things up. You know this — you’re too smart to not know that you were holding yourself back.
The years ticked by like hours. Every year was the same. You became a cautionary tale for when I left medical school — I tried my hardest to get back in the game because I didn’t want to become you, someone who had let time slip away. At first I told myself that I wouldn’t try to steer the life of another, then you would go nowhere year after year. I eventually took it upon myself to prod you year after year. Over the years I made my prodding swifter and sharper for your own good, because I still believe that you can escape.
Read again: you can escape.
You.
…
…
A lot can happen in a year. Years are blessings for young people who need the extra time to screw up and find their way.
You have used up this time. You no longer have access to it.
Now is the time for action, no matter how insignificant. At least then you could say that you at least tried to make progress. That you moved forward in some manner, no matter how small.
I am thrilled that you decided to take the plunge this year, and without wasting any more time either. I am also happy to hear about the various improvements that you are slowly making in your life. I just wish to remind you one last time that a year is a huge amount of time. Gigantic. Do not fall into the trap that those who are attempting to break bad habits often succumb to: being satisfied.
That’s right — challenge yourself to criticize your life. Oftentimes people will make a small amount of progress and then call it a day, satisfied with their achievement. Push past this. Achieve even greater things. Every time you make a change in your life, ask yourself if it is enough of an achievement to make you feel satisfied with the way you spent your year. I guarantee that the answer will usually be “no.” In that case, achieve something else. And then another. And another. And then ask whether you have sufficiently put the last five years of your life to shame. Baby steps are great, but don’t spend an entire year on them. That’s how you let time slip away.
You’ve got this. Probably.
Read again: You’ve got this.
You.
…
…
Make it happen. The ball is in your court, as it has been the past few years, untouched. You know me by now — I wouldn’t waste my time if I’d deem this a lost cause. You can do it.
Read this entry, then read it again. Come back a month later and read it again. Then another time at the end of the year. I expect that the day will one day come where you come across this message again, yet it will no longer apply to you because you’ve taken control and changed your life. Make it happen.
I’m here to help.